Never A First Choice
by QuestionablyInsane
Summary: "Nights full of desperation and loathing; of desire for intimacy, for anything that would push the memories of loved ones from their minds" Post 3x11 HookedQueen one-shot.


**Never a First Choice**

* * *

The room reeked of self-loathing and desperation, of heated words and heated bodies fighting for domination. Her abandoned castle, the single restored thing in her desolate kingdom, time after time played witness to this unhealthiest of unions. What had started as a one-time distraction had quickly escalated into increasingly frequent visits. Secret meetings held between the sheets; where words mattered almost as little as self-respect did. It was always just a method for forgetting. 

Tonight had been different; his eyes had blazed angrily as he stormed in, making no attempt to ease the situation with his usual crass humour. From the get-go Regina had known something had changed; perhaps he was losing hope, just as she was. Realising that it was futile to try and cling onto the knowledge of the past, of what could have been.

Of course they never said any of this with words, too un-trusting of each other to reveal even the slightest weakness. But she could tell, by his searing kisses and slightly excessive pressure of his fingers on her hips, that he'd realised something. Perhaps he'd finally come to accept that he wouldn't see Emma again, and that even if he did, she wouldn't remember him; still wouldn't love him. 

As she lay, dissecting her thoughts, his kisses sent her tumbling down the rabbit hole. Each intense kiss pressed upon her delicate skin was a reminder that this was the same mouth that had so often thrown cruel taunts her way. That it had the power to both thrill and disgust her. Not that she was disgusted that much any more; each subsequent kiss, caress, touch drove her crazy. Fingers clawing, teeth dragging, tongues battling their own war to avoid the harsh realities of the one they were already living. They couldn't have the ones they loved; they made do with each other. 

His movements, much like his arrival, were fast and swift tonight as if he just wanted to disappear, to forget. To drink her in and lie intoxicated between the sheets exhausted and unable to feel the crushing pain of loneliness that she so often experienced. 

He was rougher with her than usual, tugging her wrists above her head as he made to peel away the extravagant layers of fabric she swathed herself in. She chuckled darkly as he got frustrated by the corset design of her dress, tugging at the strings to no avail except eliciting small choking sounds from the breathless queen. She didn't really care; at least the pain meant she could still feel something. 

Eventually Regina simply vanished the dress, bored of watching him struggle, and craving the rough touch of his hands on her bare skin. He didn't disappoint, his hands immediately capturing and squeezing her breasts, forcing Regina to choke back her moans. She never did like letting him hear her, it always felt like he was winning; and Regina was nothing if not triumphant in their battles. 

The chill of the stone castle soon reminded her freshly exposed skin how over-dressed he was, still clad in a cotton top and tight leather pants that summoned all kinds of wicked fantasies to the forefront of her mind. Easing her nimble fingers through the gaping holes between buttons, she ripped. A devilish glint appeared in his eyes, almost matching the ferocious anger he'd held only moments before. She smirked, tossing the ruined clothing aside and looping her fingers beneath the waistband of the warm leather. 

Crawling slightly further up her body his lips crashed back down to hers, teeth colliding painfully in their desperation for closeness. Regina could taste blood, bitter and metallic filling her mouth. It tasted foreign and sickly but she didn't break their kiss, they always competed to try and outdo each other; the taste of blood which could have been either of theirs was an unspoken challenge. Finally gasping for breath they broke apart and Regina smeared her hand across her mouth, catching her broken lip and realising that it had been her own blood that felt foreign to her. Hook watched her subconsciously lick her lips and moved his mouth, still faintly smudged with her blood, trailing heavy almost bruising kisses down her neck and chest. His moves lacked any sort of delicacy; after all, there was nothing even remotely romantic about this. 

Her head fell back against the pillow as his fingers moved past the dip of her hipbones and beneath the black silk of her underwear, wasting no time in teasing as his tongue lathered her breasts. She hissed suddenly at the cold chill of his finger pressed up against her centre and narrowed her eyes at him; his anger and uncertainty about tonight was making him reckless and demanding. Then again, they'd always played dirty; there was no better cure for a broken heart than taking out your anger on an old foe. In the bedroom. Finally doing what they'd wanted to do since the very first time they'd met. Regina smirked at the memory of them pressed almost face to face in her tower, of teasing him with his own hook, and leaving him breathless wanting more. The build-up had been so intense and over so many years, that even though it was all about forgetting, their intimacy had always been mind-blowing. 

Regina was caught off guard from her thoughts by his sudden kiss, off his eagerness to once again lose himself within her as his fingers explored beneath her panties, making her squirm silently against his teasing hand. The heat of his body pressed up against her was suddenly removed as he fumbled irately to remove his pants before his mouth reconnected with hers. 

"Tell me to stop" he mumbled gruffly against her lips, making no effort to cease his hand's ministrations against her body. 

She remained silent; her back arching as his long calloused fingers gripped her hipbone and pulled her barely-concealed centre closer to him. 

"Tell me….to stop!" he suddenly all but roared, throwing his body back away from her. 

She raised an eyebrow and glanced down at him; he looked furious, trying to catch his breath with a look of disgust on his face that could only be matched by the disgust and self-loathing in her own eyes. 

Hook ran a hand roughly through his hair and Regina almost smiled at the ridiculousness of it all. The pirate, clad only in a pair of boxers, looked pained and conflicted. The fact that his thumb was still tracing circles on her bare ankle told her all she needed to know. He never had been all that good at hiding his true feelings. 

"Why?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows, "Why should we stop?" 

Hook ignored her and closed his eyes, letting his shoulders slump in a defeated way she'd never known the pirate to do. 

Sitting up straighter she leant towards him, reaching out for his shoulder but then letting her arm drop; they didn't have that sort of relationship. This wasn't about love or comfort or support, this was purely physical; physical gratification to release some of the pent-up anger they both harboured. 

"This isn't right" he muttered, his eyes meeting hers in a cloud of lust and conflict. 

Regina scoffed, grazing a hand through her hair, completely unabashed of her naked state before him, "I'd offer you some moral support, but as I'm sure you're aware my morals are questionable" 

He rolled his eyes at her sarcasm but made no move to return to touching her body. Regina was bored of his drama and, still craving more from his touch tried desperately to think of way to get him to resume his exploits. With a wicked grin on her face she let her hand drop from her hair and trail down her bare chest, stopping briefly to playfully tweak her nipples before dipping lower and pressing one finger into her core. 

His eyes darkened almost immediately as his eye line followed her hand, his eyebrow rising as her breathing quickened and cheeks flushed. Allowing her hand to move faster she waited, waited until all confliction and regret had left his face before leaning forward and placing a nipping bite to his throat. 

"As much as I enjoy getting myself off; I am the still the Queen, and I don't appreciate time-wasters Captain" 

With a slight growl and a push she toppled back, firmly reattached to his mouth as her lowered his hand to join hers, his fingers mimicking and then replacing her own. Satisfied that she'd managed to avoid one of his depressing moods, Regina efficiently managed to roll them over; wasting no time in straddling his lower legs, dropping his boxers and sinking her mouth down around his solid erection. If his groan was anything to go by, Regina knew he'd released all apprehension about their activities, and began moving her mouth expertly around him. His hand played roughly with her hair, tugging and pulling on the silky strands whilst his cold hook ran chills up and down her spine. 

Nails scratched and teeth grazed. Sometimes even bit as they carried on their game. It wasn't tender, neither of them would have really known how to be, but they were perfectly matched in their competition for dominance. Tonight he wanted to hear her. He wanted more than strangled cries and choked back whimpers; tonight, he wanted the walls of her vast castle to echo with her screams. 

He ignored the signs that she wanted things her way, she always did. He wanted it to be different, to blow the memories of the two people they loved the most out of their minds. He wanted to forget that the woman writhing beneath him had a halo of ebony locks not blonde, had smooth bronzed-coloured skin instead of ivory. That she was willing to play as dirty as he was because they were the same side of the same coin. Deep down on an emotional level he knew she was just as screwed up as he was. 

A small, sarcastic cough broke him from his reverie and he glanced down to see Regina looking up, a mocking stare of impatience in her dark eyes. Wasting no time and desperate to fill the ache growing in his chest, he quickly thrust his hips forward, eliciting a startled and pleasing gasp from the Queen. 

He didn't start off slow because that wasn't how they played; he knew she liked him best when he declined trying to keep her comfortable and chased after the carnal end event. 

Her fingers clawed into his skin as she gripped his shoulders, steadying them against the rocking of their hips as her back arched like a bow. The growing feeling of anticipation in his lower stomach drove him forward, pressing a near-painful bite to her collarbone and pulling back to admire his mark. She growled slightly, daring him try anything like that again, but as soon as her tongue darted out across her lip he couldn't help but lean down and kiss it. Nibble forcefully on her lower lip as their hips moved in perfect synch. Noting his outright defiance Regina caught his tongue between her teeth and bit, closing a little harder than she usually would have. She liked to be in control and he knew it; tonight, something or someone had made him daring. Adventurous. And Regina hadn't quite decided whether it was genius or suicidal. 

Her amorous activities with Hook were unlike any she'd shared with previous lovers; in the past she'd always kept her royal reputation, refusing to do anything she deemed out of her dignity. She never acted quite as wild or as wanton as she did with the pirate, cusses spilling forward from her lips and her body contorting in ways she'd never considered. In a way, that was what made the sex between them so intense. They were trying to be different people, trying to drive each other so far over the edge of the abyss that they couldn't come back, couldn't remember quite why they craved comfort in the first place. 

Regina let out an involuntary whine when he changed pace; the knot in her stomach was tightening as he pounded into her, her back sliding back up against the sheets with the force of his thrusts. Without any warning he suddenly pulled out, and despite her quizzical expression rolled her onto her stomach and pulled her into his lap so her back was flush to his chest. 

This new position allowed him to hit the spots previously ignored and as much as had been his goal, he soon had her cries echoing out in the silent castle. Reaching around her, wanting to make sure she got just as much release from this as he did, he let his hand play roughly with her breasts. Never soft; never gentle. They were above such things. 

With her back to the pirate Regina found herself able to express herself in ways she'd never allowed before. She was free to let her mouth drop open at his improved access to _that _spot, and her eyes to droop half shut in bliss as the knot in her stomach tightened towards the point of frustrating pain. Grinding her hips down hard on him she quickened the pace, desperate to find her release. 

Sensing her impending high, Hook met her hips thrust for thrust enjoying the array of sounds she'd finally allowed herself to make. The tiny mewls and phenomenal cry that accompanied her orgasm were enough to tip him over the edge as he came, hard and fast surrounded by her spasming muscles. The feeling was euphoric. 

Regina's back arched involuntarily as she felt him find his release deep inside of her, her own orgasm still sending tiny shocks of pain and ecstasy through her body. She bit her lip so hard that she once again tasted blood, but the swirling sensations in her lower body completely overshadowed it. As her high ebbed and she felt him soften and pull away she allowed herself to fall forward off his lap, with as much dignity as she could muster. Which really wasn't a lot. 

Rolling onto her back she closed her eyes, feeling as if she could still hear their mingled cries resonating through the palace walls. Still breathing erratically she felt the thud of his body as he flopped down next to her; praying he wouldn't open his mouth and ruin her moment. 

* * *

"Don't you mind that I'm just doing this to forget Miss Swan?" 

Regina was almost startled by his voice breaking the comfortable silence that had descended between them. She looked away from his stare, running her nails lightly up and down his chest as they lay entangled in the post-coital sheets. Why couldn't he have just stayed quiet! 

She could think of a million replies; some of them honest, some of them lies, one of them the truth. She could admit that she didn't mind why he was doing it; she was only doing it to make herself forget. To try and forget that she was alone and that her son no longer remembered who she was, let alone loved her. She didn't care about his reasons for being here, so long as she wasn't completely alone. As long as for a few moments, even if he was thinking about someone else, he was happy enough to be with her. 

Regina let out an almost inaudible sigh; she didn't want to tell him any of those things, she didn't want to tell anyone. She couldn't tell him that it was ok; it was ok that she was playing second best to an absent woman because at least she'd been his next choice. For once she'd been someone's choice; second best of course, but still better than the countless other women who would have loved to comfort him. She couldn't tell him that it was ok because she trusted him; well, trusted him above anyone else at least. She couldn't tell him that and appear weak; she was the Evil Queen, she couldn't afford to trust anyone. 

Their history together, the constant pursuit for revenge and their ability to screw each other over, made this the perfect set-up. They'd both stuck daggers in each other's backs, but at least that was in the past. Her torture at the hands of Greg and Tamara had been enough to make the pirate reconsider the fact that she was the closest thing he had to an ally. To a friend. 

Hook was still staring at her when she looked back up, almost questioning her delayed response with a trace of guilt in his gaze. She forced herself to smirk, to inject a bit of mirth into the sadness of her eyes; she couldn't let him see that perhaps it did bother her more than she liked to admit. His face relaxed at her smile and his tensed hands continued their small pattern on the side of her upper thigh. 

When he opened his mouth to repeat his question, feeling no desire to relay her thoughts out loud, she pressed her lips firmly against his eliciting a surprised sigh from the pirate. Pulling back she smiled softly and rolled away from him onto her back, closing her eyes in what she hoped he'd interpret as drowsiness. 

A few moments passed and Regina congratulated herself on handling that question; on her constant ability to deceive those around her. She took in a few deep breaths and tried to fall asleep, hoping that he'd be gone by the time she woke up; as he usually was. What she didn't expect was the tentative movement of his hand across the expanse of white cotton between them until it reached her chilled skin. With a very gentle squeeze to her bare shoulder it moved down, pausing slightly at her wrist, before grasping her hand firmly. 

Regina knew in that moment that he had a better handle on her than she'd previously thought; he knew her real answer to his question, and that thought alone made her closed eyes burn with un-shed tears. It didn't change anything. She was still just the understudy, filling in until Miss Swan returned to claim her rightful place in his heart. Just as she had done with Henry. That's all Regina ever was; the stand-in, the fleeting replacement. The temporary mother, temporary lover. No-one ever chose her if they could have someone else. 

Just for once, she wanted to be someone's first choice.

* * *

**AN:**

HookedQueen just spills out of me like no other ship! I swear they've taken over my brain, but at least I can have them on paper seeing as they'll never be on screen *_le sigh_*. This is probably the shoddiest, rushed piece of work I've ever done, although I'm happy with the jerky, un-flowing tempo of it actually. Plus it kinda has to be subtle to avoid breaking _the ratings_! However I did just want to get it finished and done before tonight's episode, it's bringing me hope! If you wanna cheer a sad HQ shipper up oodles of reviews and virtual hugs are much appreciated :p


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